


Shedding Skin

by sidewinder



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Reunited and It Feels So Good, kiss meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-01 22:54:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6539887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/pseuds/sidewinder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fin comes home after several weeks undercover. John makes it actually feel like coming home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shedding Skin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThetaSigma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/gifts).



> For ThetaSigma, for the Tumblr [kiss meme](http://hawkland.tumblr.com/post/140030044043/another-kiss-meme) prompt, _Kisses because I missed you and you really shouldn’t stay away so long_.
> 
> Setting is loosely the early half of Season 9 of SVU.
> 
> Characters are property of NBC/Dick Wolf. This story was written purely for fun and not for profit.

Fin stood outside the entrance to his apartment building in Brooklyn, keys cutting into the palm of his hand as he grasped them tightly, feeling uncertain about heading inside. Most evenings he was more than happy to find himself here, because it meant the end of the workday had finally arrived. He could chill out, get some rest, and usually spend those restful hours in good company. He’d be climbing up these steps with John, probably bickering over the news of the day or some trivialities from work. Once inside it would all be forgotten until the next morning came along, the buzzing alarm forcing them out of bed far too early and back to work once more.

But tonight Fin stood there alone, because he hadn’t felt ready to see John yet. As much as he ached for their reunion after too long apart, he felt strangely skittish and frayed...maybe even a little afraid. Three weeks he’d been absent from his day-to-day life, his normal job, and even from himself. Now he was just supposed to pick it up again as if everything was back to normal and nothing had happened? Like those weeks hadn’t even happened.

He would manage, though. He’d be fine. He was cool. He was Fin, and he could handle this.

Right. So why was he standing out here feeling like a stranger to his own home?

*

The request had come over from Manhattan North, from Mike Sandoval, practically begging for the senior detective’s help on a delicate undercover operation he’d been setting up for some time.

_“We need someone to come in as a new interested buyer from out of town. Someone big time so we can catch these guys on a serious bust. Maybe even help lead us up to the next level of the supply chain. My boss suggested coming to you, Fin, that you had an undercover i.d. that had never been blown. A player from Miami who sometimes came to New York looking for new suppliers.”_

_“Yeah, sure, but that was years ago.”_

_“That’s the point. Long enough ago that we don’t have to put months into creating a whole new cover for someone. And I could use your experience, here.”_

John hadn’t exactly been thrilled to hear the news, but Fin had agreed after the captain had signed off on the request.

_“We’ve got the manpower now that Lake is here. John can partner with him in your absence.”_

_“Not sure that’s a great idea, Captain.”_

_“Why do you say that?”_

_“Those two are oil and water. Don’t think they’d pair up too well.”_

_“Well they’ll have to if I need them to. Unless you’re going to turn down the request.”_

_“No, they need me, I’ll do it. Ain’t gonna like it but I’ll do it.”_

He’d felt he owed the kid a big one after his help on one of Fin’s own personal crusades, a few years back...right after he’d been shot. But taking the case meant weeks of having to go completely under, living another’s life completely. No contact with his regular co-workers, with John, with anyone except Sandoval and a few others directly involved in the operation.

_“I don’t like it any more than you do, John.”_

_“Then don’t do it. You have no obligation to get involved in this.”_

_“Yeah, I do. I owe him one.”_

_“A guy who almost got you killed from his inexperience.”_

_“And I almost got him killed dragging him into a case I should have followed up on from the start. I want this one done right.”_

_“Like only you can?”_

_“Maybe.”_

_“Just watch your back, okay? And don’t come home to me in a body bag.”_

_*_

Now it was over. Three weeks, which he knew was nothing in typical undercover time but for Fin it had felt like an eternity, given his long absence from doing such work. Special Victims rarely played the kind of longterm undercover jobs that Narcotics required. But all had gone to plan: the drug gang was busted up, the operation declared a success, and Fin now wanted to put it behind him.

Slipping in to that old character of his had been easier than he’d thought...almost a little _too_ easy to be the big time player again, all bravado and tough talk, living it up in a big hotel suite with room service at his beck and call, hitting the clubs to make connections and pretending to be Sandoval’s friend from out-of-town. But he’d been on edge constantly because any small slip up and he could be dead. Anyone recognized him and blew his cover, one person suspected a trap, and all hell would have broken loose.

For years he’d thrived on this kind of work, escaping his day-to-day life and family problems at home by becoming another person. But now he only wanted to go back to being himself, and not feel so strange about even just standing outside his own apartment.

Fin finally walked up to unlock the front door to the building, but he left his mail box for the next day. It was past two a.m. and he’d finished up his debriefing at Manhattan North; his bills and junk mail could wait until the morning. Before climbing the stairs, he debated one last time getting back his car and heading over to John’s place instead. Surprise him with the news that it was over; he was back home and safe. But he wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet. He rationalized that it was too late and he should let John sleep, get some rest himself if he could. Surprise him by showing up tomorrow at the 16th as if it were any regular morning...he could imagine John’s reaction and that all by itself was enough to make him smile and look forward to the next day.

He unlocked the door to his apartment and stepped inside, not bothering to turn on the hallway or living room light; he only wanted to clean up a bit and crash. He headed to the bathroom, turning on the light in there so he could brush his teeth, splash some water on his skin. But even the face looking back in the mirror unsettled him, made him feel uneasy. Maybe it was the criminal character he’d taken on for the past few weeks, making it difficult to even feel like himself again, let alone see himself in his reflection. He could see the tension and wariness in his face, a coldness in the eyes looking back at his own.

This wasn’t him. Was it?

He’d also been wearing his hair down, under a hat or a scarf, like now, to keep it back instead of  neatly braided or in a pony tail as he usually wore it these days. It was surprising how much the small change made him look so different, even to his own eyes. For not the first time in recent months, the impulse to cut his hair off entirely seized him. It was a lot of fuss and bother to take care of properly (especially with the way John liked to get his hands in it when they were messing around), and he wasn’t sure it fit the person he was any longer. Maybe now, especially, it felt too much like a part of the past he wanted to let go. Of course John looked horrified whenever he mentioned the idea...but if he explained the reasons why, he hoped John would understand. Besides, he was coming up on fifty in a couple more years, and maybe it was time to go for a more mature look.

Fin contemplated these things as he pooled cold water on his face, tried to wash away the remnants of the past weeks. When he turned the faucet off, he heard a noise in the bedroom—which immediately put him back on high alert. Had he simply imagined hearing something, feeling anxious, looking over his shoulder constantly for trouble? He stood still and silent for a long moment, waiting, straining to listen. Then he heard it again, a creaking, shifting noise that definitely was coming from his bedroom.

Immediately he feared the worst; someone was lying in wait for his return. Someone from the gang they’d busted up, someone they’d missed bringing in or who had recognized him. Had he checked his front door lock for tampering when he opened it minutes before? No, not when he’d been so glad to just be home. Or someone could have climbed the fire escape and broken in through his window.

_Shit._

Fin was glad he hadn’t taken off his holster or put away his gun yet. He left the light on in the bathroom and pulled out his weapon, walking quietly toward the bedroom. He couldn’t see much of anything, but he had to assume whoever was there couldn’t, either...and hopefully didn’t know he’d been heard. Fin entered the darkened room, moving close to the wall and keeping his weapon up as he demanded sharply, “Hands up! Hands where I can see them!”

“Fin?”

Fin paused, blinked, and froze as he recognized that voice immediately. “John?!”

“Who the fuck else do you think would be here, for fuck’s sake!”

Fin reached for the bedroom light switch and found John blinking at him from the bed. He let out a deep, heavy breath, dropping his weapon immediately and trying to quell his pounding heart. “Jesus, you scared the _shit_ out of me.”

“The feeling is mutual. Does this mean it’s over?”

“The undercover job? Yeah.”

“Thank God. Come here.”

Fin didn’t need to be told twice. He put his gun down on the dresser and went straight to the bed, not bothering to undress first. Not questioning why John was here, how he had known Fin would be back tonight, trying not to think about how close he’d come to almost _shooting_ him moments before. He needed to fall into John’s waiting embrace and let it wipe away everything else.

All of that uncertainty and shakiness he’d felt about coming back here, or about going to see John tonight, they seemed so foolish once he was able to kiss his lover’s lips and feel John’s touch once again.

“Sorry I nearly shot you,” Fin said after their first long, needy kiss. It shouldn’t be so funny, but he did find himself chuckling with nervous laughter now that he knew everything was all right. He felt giddy to be back and have John to hold again.

And John didn’t seem to mind. He returned Fin’s laughter and said, “Sorry I scared you like that. I should have...”

“No, babe. Don’t apologize. Just happy you’re here,” Fin insisted, and then went back kissing John with three weeks worth of longed for kisses all in one anticipated moment. John held him tight, returning Fin’s kiss with equal fervor, a low moan building in the back of his throat until they finally separated for necessary breaths.

“Damn, I missed you.” Fin gazed lovingly into John’s eyes, stroking his cheek, his hair, anything he could get his hands on. He’d missed the way John looked at him so much, missed that smile he only seemed to share with Fin in private. Missed the sound of his voice that had become such a constant in his ear, beside him, every day. This had been the longest he’d been apart from John since they had first become partners, let alone lovers, and he didn’t want to repeat this kind of separation again any time soon. Or ever, if he could avoid it.

“Missed _you_. Worried about you.” John kissed him again, hand on the back of Fin’s neck, curving up his scalp, where he kept it clean shaven. That touch always made Fin shiver and of course John knew it did. “Nearly killed me not knowing where you were... _how_ you were...not being able to even check in to make sure you were all right...”

“Sorry. Ain’t gonna happen again. Not doin’ that shit no more. They want me for another undercover gig like that they can fuck off.”

“Good.” Another kiss, deeper than before, tongues slipping against each other in urgent need to taste, lick and probe. Fin wanted to fall into this moment and never come back out of it. Except he needed to get naked, needed to feel John against his skin head to toe.

John was wearing one of Fin’s old t-shirts, thin and far too big and stretched out, but at least that made it easy for him to get his hands underneath and on his lover’s bare skin. He tugged the shirt off roughly in between kisses, then urged John out of his underwear as well. Fin groaned again to kiss and hold John now, rubbing his back, the curve of his ass. There was something he loved, something deliciously filthy and hot about having John completely naked against him while he was still fully clothed.

For a moment he would enjoy that wicked sensation. But only for a moment. He needed to get naked, too, if not just for his own satisfaction but because John was practically trying to rip his clothes off.

Maybe he should let him, Fin thought. Tear away this stupid suit that didn’t feel like him; he’d never wear it again anyway. He didn’t want to do anything with these clothes other than throw them out, burn them all. But they would be faster to remove with his own hands, so he tossed aside the jacket, undid the buttons of his shirt...he let John work on his holster and belt, well-practiced by this time at undressing his lover in the fastest time possible. Some nights they could go for the slow tease, but not tonight.

The last garments were quickly shed. Fin could get back to John’s embrace, kissing him, sucking his skin, getting tangled in his long arms and legs. His lips moved down along John’s jawline to his neck, his collarbone, everywhere and anywhere he could reach. He dipped his head lower to find a rosy nipple, biting it playfully to make John yelp and squirm. John retaliated by undoing the scarf holding Fin’s hair back, tossing it aside so he could get his fingers into the thick waves. Fin almost wanted to purr at that sensation; he _would_ miss that if he got rid of his long hair...even if John left it an utter mess come the morning.

Fin was rock hard already, so needy that it felt good just rubbing his cock against John’s warm thigh. Good enough he didn’t think he’d be able to hold out for much more than some heavy grinding, at least not for round one of what was sure to be some extended sexual escapades lasting until morning. Reaching down to stroke John’s erection rewarded him with a heavy sigh that suggested his lover wasn’t too far behind him.

“Want to come all over you, baby,” Fin said. “Can’t hold back for more.”

“Take me however you want me.” When they were so wired up like this, the press of their bodies together was all it could take. Fin did grab the lube off the nightstand, shuddering as he rubbed himself with the cool gel and then got John all slick and wet for him. No need for friction burns that would make anything else painful in the hours ahead, and they sometimes got a little over-enthusiastic for their own good.

John was on his back and he spread his legs a little, opening up just enough to bring them in better contact as Fin got on top of him, pressing cock to cock, mouth to mouth, kissing deep and letting their bodies meld as if into one. John reached around to squeeze Fin’s ass, groaning as Fin slid against him, every small movement pure bliss.

Chest to chest, they were so close, Fin swore he could feel John’s heartbeat, could sense it quickening with each second that brought them closer to climax. Fin knew he wouldn’t last long; he didn’t even try. He simply let his body and instincts take control, heat and friction and being this close to his love after so long apart all it took to trigger the spasms of his orgasm, gathering in his balls and then exploding out against John’s belly. John gripped at him harder, thrusting and rubbing up against him, until he too came with a desperate groan against Fin’s mouth and they were left a sticky, sweaty and contented mess on the bed.

Fin shifted their embrace to lay side-by-side in John’s arms, enjoying softer and more tender kisses in the afterglow, stroking his skin gently as the heat of passion was momentarily satisfied. “You just happen to be here tonight, or you been staying here the whole time I’ve been gone?” Fin asked.

John looked slightly embarrassed at the question. “I couldn’t sleep back at my place, alone and worrying about you. At least here, it felt like you weren’t so far away. Stupid, I know.”

“Not stupid. Sweet. I’d probably do the same thing if you were gone for a while.” They kept talking about finally getting a bigger apartment to share; maybe it was time to think about the matter more seriously. If nothing else this time apart had shown Fin how much he couldn’t take being away from John without it really getting to him.

“You wouldn’t last two nights in my place without developing an extreme case of paranoia.”

“Only if I started finally reading some of your crazy books and shit.” He kissed the tip of John’s nose, then said, “Don’t move, just wanna turn off the lights.” Fin got up momentarily to flick off the ceiling lamp and the bathroom light. Getting back into bed he sighed contentedly to find John’s waiting arms again, feeling so needy for his touch tonight.

“How was the Sixteenth while I was away?”

“Not nearly as tolerable as usual. Though you should be proud of me, I only threatened to kill Lake twice, and once I was only joking.”

“Do I want to know about the other time?”

“I’m sure you’ll hear about it tomorrow. How you can deal with that smug bastard as your partner these days I’ll never understand.”

“Ain’t like I had much choice in the matter.”

“I know. But I don’t trust him for reasons I can’t put my finger on, and it worries me because it’s your life that’s in his hands. Just like it worried me these weeks when you were gone and I had no way to keep an eye on you.” He paused to kiss Fin again, tenderly, cupping his cheek with one hand. When he pulled back, even in the dark Fin could see his eyes were filled with emotion. “Sometimes it scares me, Fin. How much I need you. It’s an ache in my chest that never goes away...a good kind of ache when you’re near, a painful one when you’re not. And if anything ever took you from me, for good, I don’t...”

“Never gonna happen.”

“We don’t know that. No one knows that, ever. We’ve both been shot on the job, we’ve only been lucky nothing worse has happened. What if—”

“John... _John_ ,” Fin cut him off with a weary sigh. “You worry enough for the entire population of Manhattan, you know that?”

“I know. And some days for the other four boroughs as well. I can’t help it, it’s my nature to worry and to expect the worst in life.” He shifted around to spoon himself into Fin’s arms, as if to get comfortable for sleep. Of course that position only stirred a fresh wave of arousal in Fin, feeling that tight, wonderful backside pressing against his cock.

“Babe, you rub that ass on me you better _expect_ I’m gonna fuck it,” Fin muttered against John’s ear before nibbling on it playfully. He’d had enough of John’s gloomy thoughts and anxieties; he knew where they came from and he wouldn’t make light of them, but right now wasn’t the time to dwell on such matters. John squirmed against him which only encouraged Fin to nibble and lick some more, his hand creeping down to find John’s cock, sticky from drying lube and come.

“Mmm, expectation or invitation, your choice,” John said, clearly not minding Fin’s attentions.

“My choice is to fuck you all night, then call in a personal day tomorrow to do it all over again.”

“And am I supposed to talk you out of this dereliction of duty?”

“Hope not.”

“Good. Because as your sergeant I’m going to have to order you to make it happen.”

“I love it when you pull rank on me,” Fin teased back, then kissed John right behind the ear. “Love _you_.”

“Always, Fin.”

Fin smiled as he buried his face into John’s neck, breathing in the scent of him, their sex, and feeling the warmth of their love.

And he knew he really _was_ home, at last.

 


End file.
